Am I a messed up person?  Yes!  Why?  It’s not because my parents messed me up or because I chose to be that way.  I just am.  But, I bet you are too!  But, before I go into that, read on as I have an update on my journey in finding my genetic family.

For those who read my blog posts several months back, I’m sorry it’s been so long.  But, a lot has happened since then.  Since I last wrote in this blog in January, I finally got to meet not only my birth father and his wife, but his son and his daughter who are both half-brother and half-sister to me (I’m withholding names on this public site, but my family and friends know who they are).  For the first time in my life, I was able to meet and speak with people who actually carried my genes!

After 40+ years of going to the doctor and writing “unknown” under the father’s family medical history section of the medical forms, I finally have some answers from both sides of my birth family as I was able to talk genetic health with them.  I could actually look them in the face and see resemblances that weren’t simply imaginary, but valid genetic comparisons.  If you hold some baby pictures of all three of us (minus the hair), you can’t tell us apart!  How cool is that when you have spent more than 4 decades of never seeing anyone that you connect with biologically!

All three of them are very healthy and intelligent people who I enjoyed getting to know and will get to know more as the years go by.  But, I’ve been especially pleased with being able to connect with my birth father.  He’s a great guy.  We not only look very similar, but share the talent of music and playing the piano.  It turns out that he learned piano on his own raw talent with no lessons – just his ear.  He still plays today and makes it a significant part of his life as he has frequently played the piano for wedding receptions, cruise ships and other venues over his lifetime.  When he learned of my talent, he quickly remarked that I was the missing link for this gift as his two other children’s interests/talents are in other areas (she is a trained and accomplished stage performer, especially in comedy; he is a competitive swimmer and film actor).

When we met in early March, we quickly brought the piano into our conversation and gave each other a little preview of our skills (I’ll admit, my preview was very brief as I had been out of practice and hadn’t polished up on my songs).  What was so interesting was that we both loved the same kind of music like romantic classics and contemporary music as well as romantic show tunes.  Maybe that was just a coincidence, or maybe it was something more.  Hard to tell.  But given that most men could care less about such songs, I would like to think that our genes played a part in our common interest.  Some things are just a part of our genes.

Connecting with my birth father and getting in touch with who I am genetically has come later in life, unlike my connect with my heavenly Father and Creator.  This is the reverse of what most people go through as most people (not adopted) seamlessly live their whole lives without ever thinking or getting in touch with their genetic roots as it has always been there for them.  Being adopted by my two wonderful parents (Bill and Betty) who are now in heaven brought me a lifetime of knowing my heavenly Father.  They raised me in their likeness and in their belief.  They raised me in their “spiritual image” as Christ followers and believers.  In the same way, my heavenly Father and I don’t have a genetic connection, we have an image connection.  He created me in His image and likeness.  He created all of us in His image and likeness.

So, what’s so significant about that?  It sets us (the human race) apart from any other created thing.  We are special above all other creatures made by God, our Father.  But, what it also brings in to reality is the utter depravity of who we are as humans who did not inherit the divine genes of God, but the genes of Adam who was God’s first created being for whom we inherited out sin nature by his transgression against God (Romans 5:12).  What does this mean for you and me?  It means we inherited our sin nature; yes, we were “born that way.”  Yes, I am messed up and you are too.

So, what is sin?  Basically, it means “missing the mark.” It means not meeting God’s absolute standard of purity in ourselves, our actions, our motives and our deeds.  It doesn’t require intention, because impurity is impurity whether our intentions are good or bad.  God’s nature simply is not fully in us.  Unfortunately, most of us have only been taught that sin was choosing to do wrong and disobeying the rules set for us.  There’s no question that this is sin, but it doesn’t explain sin completely.  Sin’s definition goes far beyond willful disobedience.  Consider the sacrifices made in the Hebrew scriptures (see Leviticus 4) where sacrifices weren’t just made for intentional sins, but for unintentional sins where we “miss the mark.”

So, is that hard for you to accept?  Then, think about this. God has already taught us about purity through nature.  If water is impure, it doesn’t matter whether it was intentionally or intentionally contaminated.  Impure is impure.  Furthermore, making the water pure cannot be accomplished simply by pouring some good water into the bad water.  The contamination must be completely eradicated by something outside of itself (burning out the impurity or infusing a purifying chemical).  Likewise, our sin nature cannot be purified or “forgiven” by good deeds or good intentions.  We need something more.  Basically, you and I, apart from a purifying source outside of us, are doomed for eternal separation from our Father without an outside change agent.

So, you think you are good enough as you are?  Most of us, though we try our best, would have to admit that our motives for anything in life aren’t exactly and perfectly pure.  Though we can (and should) do our best to live by God’s moral law, we can’t do it simply by relying on our own good nature apart from Him.  All have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23).  Our nature through Adam is simply contaminated (see Romans 5:12).  If what you are gleaning from what I am saying is dreadful and depressing, you are right.  But, read on and don’t give up.

Paul, in Romans 7, describes in almost graphic detail (without specifically mentioning what his struggles were) how he personally struggled with his own sin nature, doing the very things he did not want to do even though he tried to avoid them.  A nature inside his physical body made it practically out of his control.  He might win a few sin battles, but he was losing the war.  He did not say it was okay, make excuses or explain it away through his genetic disposition, environment or learned behavior.  Whatever the reason, he was impure and recognized it in himself.  Instead, he pointed to the only hope by which he could be rescued from his body of sin – Christ, where those who trust in Him are saved from condemnation (Romans 8).

Knowing and trusting in Who Christ is and His finished work by dying on the cross for our sins is our salvation, our purifying agent that saves us from our Sin.  Jesus was God’s only “begotten” Son (not a created being since no created thing separate from God’s own nature is sufficient).  Only God’s Divine nature that comes from Him alone can be the purifying agent that takes away our sin.  Jesus (God Himself – yes, a fully divine and fully human person, defying our flawed human logic in His nature) could only sacrifice Himself to save us.  For Him to do otherwise would mean that God would not be true to Himself and His own nature.

In a time and age where many think, in all respects, we should be “true to ourselves,” I’m only glad that God was true to His loving self, to die for me and save me so my impurity would be washed away.  Now, I can be in His presence when I go to eternity.  As we see society (our country in particular) gravitate away from the laws and norms that Christian immigrants set in place when our country was born, we must realize that society is just trying to be true to itself (yes, it’s being honest to its nature).

Our Father deeply loves us and wants better for us because being “true to ourselves” in all facets of our lives (not just some) ultimately requires embracing and glorifying our own impurity; something a Christ follower should never celebrate and embrace in themselves or those they love and care for.  In fact, we are sometimes called to do the things we don’t want to do or feel comfortable doing – living contrary to some things inside of us that aren’t good and showing how God’s plan and His nature is so different from ours.  It requires us to stand for His standards instead of creating our own.

The message we carry as followers of Christ is the redeeming message of God’s grace to us in giving us Jesus Christ.  He died for you and me to be the purifying change agent who cleansed us from the penalty.  All we must do is believe (John 3:16); trust in His sacrifice and not in ourselves.  Yes, this means you become, by definition, a hypocrite to this world (being something other that what is true to your nature), but there’s nothing natural about us living in this world.  This world is just our temporary place where Christ followers are the foreigners – the unwelcomed dwellers.  Our eternal home is with our Father.

Where is your eternal home?  Though you and I try to be good and love others, is it enough to save us?  No.  Our good deeds don’t eradicate who our true selves are.  Only Jesus can eradicate the problem inside us.  This world is messed up.  I’m messed up and you are messed up (just admit it).  We need something outside of ourselves.  We need Jesus.  He’s our answer to our messed up selves.

Trust in His sacrifice for your sins and see me in heaven.  I want to see you in heaven no matter how different you are from me.  All I am is just another version of “messed up” who wrote this blog.  I need Jesus and you do too!