Do you know what it’s like to be adopted?  Maybe you do, but don’t know it.  From the standpoint of being legally adopted as a child, you may not.  But, that doesn’t mean you don’t understand it more than you think.  If you have been loved or ever loved anyone and accepted them into your life, you really do understand it in a broader sense.  As I have gone through my journey to finding my genetic family, I’ve pondered this and truly believe that all of us really do understand adoption in a broader sense because we have all experienced it.  I feel as though I am experiencing it even now as my search for my genetic family has had some new developments over the last several weeks since I last wrote.  So, not only do I have thoughts about why you really do understand what adoption feels like (in a broader sense), but I can share with you these latest developments.

I am now happy to report that I have found and befriended members of my birth father’s side of the family.  All thanks go to both Tracy and a former wife of my birth father that Tracy found and befriended, who met us and willingly volunteered to make a gutsy call to him even though they had not spoken for many years.  This is something I would never have dreamed would either occur or actually be a positive experience.  As I first contacted my birth father, I didn’t approach him with the expectation or feeling of entitlement that he should embrace me into his life or that his children would necessarily be open to knowing or meeting me.  The only thing I hoped for was to get some medical information since that had always been a blank page whenever I filled out a doctor’s questionnaire.  However, he and his wife were interested in having me, Tracy and Abby be a part of their lives which is a true blessing.  We have already talked on the phone several times at this point and plan to see each other in the next few months.

My birth father also proceeded to tell his two children about me.  As a result, we have all connected on Facebook.  In fact, on the Sunday before Christmas, Tracy, Abby and I met my birth half-brother for lunch as he lives in the Dallas area.  It was a wonderful experience as we got to know each other.  I was particularly pleased at how natural the process was.  I am amazed that all three of my half-siblings on both sides of my genetic family are open and accepting, given that I have walked into their lives unexpectedly.  In many cases, adopted persons find out things they don’t want to know and reach out to birth families who want nothing to do with them.  For some reason, God has opened this door for me to have a different outcome.  So, the wonderful family I have had on both the Potts and Fees side of my families has now expanded to include both sides of my genetic family.

Because of this, it has stirred in my mind the question of why wouldn’t genetic connections automatically guarantee love and acceptance given that, in my case, it has happened to me?  For some of you who have always known and been with your genetic family, you know all too well that it is not a guarantee.  Just the same, being adopted or having a legal familial connection with someone is no guarantee either.  A court can neither declare nor create love between anyone, nor are they designed to do so.  So, whatever the case, neither a genetic nor a legal connection to someone guarantees or creates the reality that love and acceptance exists.  So, what is the glue that holds people together as family, friends or a romantic connection?  It’s the choice to love them.  They choose (adopt) that person into their lives.

One of the easiest forms of non-formal adoption that commonly takes place today are the step fathers, step mothers and step siblings who have accepted many of you into their lives.  They have no genetic connections with you and may not even share the same last name as you, but they have chosen to love you.  They have embraced and accepted you into their lives as though you were their biological child or sibling.  In my family, we have step fathers and step mothers who have considered the children from their spouses’ previous marriages as their own.  They made that choice as part of their marriage to embrace those children.  They, in some cases, became the “real” parents of those children because they played the role of the father or mother and love their children unconditionally.  The fact is, some may say that blood is thicker than water, but the choice to love is stronger than any blood or legal connection.

If you are not yet convinced that love is thicker than blood, ask yourself this question:  If I found out today through a genetic test or by means of a legal ruling that my mother or father wasn’t actually mine, would they feel any differently toward me and would I feel any differently towards them?  Of course, you would be shocked and go through a time of adjustment.  But, would that fact necessarily erase the relationship you built over time?  What if you thought that a child you believed was genetically connected to you really wasn’t after many years of believing so?  Would that change how you felt about them?  We know someone who encountered such a shocking revelation about their daughter many years ago.  Yet, their love for her never changed and their sense and role of responsibility as a parent continued to remain a top priority in their life.  Did they need genetics to love her?  Of course not!  Genetics in these cases play a role in classifying one as someone’s biological child, but they don’t create a loving bond or erase the bonds of love and relationships that have developed between the child and the non-genetic parent who raised them.  Despite our sin nature inherited from Adam, God placed within us a mechanism that makes it possible for us extend ourselves as fathers and mothers with or without having a genetic connection to them.

So, you may say that you have never had any of these situations in your personal life, though most of us at least know someone who has.  But, have you considered that if you have started a family of your own, you were adopted by someone and you adopted someone into your life – that being your spouse?  Consider this:  When you got married, you married someone who had no genetic or familial connection to you.  Not only that, but one of you likely changed your legal name as part of the marriage.  Marriage and sexuality, by God’s designed plan, is adoptive in nature.  Leviticus 18 specifically lists several forbidden sexual relationships among those who are connected genetically or by another family member’s marriage as well as among those of the same gender.  God’s plan for marriage and family begins with choosing and bonding with someone who is not like you.  It is an adoptive plan.

If you don’t think marriage is a form of adoption, consider that we who are Christians (adopted by God) are also called the Church, who is the Bride of Christ, referred to in the four gospels and Revelation.  Adoption and marriage are the two illustrations the Bible uses to describe believers and their relationship to God individually and as a group.  Marriage is one of the greatest forms of adoption, bringing two unlike persons together and forming one new family under a new name.

In my previous post https://genesgenes.net/2014/11/29, I wrote about how God used adoption as a means to bring us into His family and gain His eternal inheritance in heaven.  So, those who place their faith in Christ do understand that God loved and accepted them though they had no physical lineage to Him or had His Divine genes.  But, the amazing thing about this is that His plan for human relationships was much the same way.  While the Bible contains a comprehensive lineage that goes from Adam to Christ, the only way that lineage is possible is through a constant series of adoptions.  Yes, people who were not family members who chose to bond with each other and form new families.  By no means was their genetic connections not important, but they weren’t everything.

So, what does this have to do with what I have experienced recently?  My recent experience in finding my birth family and their embracing of me as well as my embracing of them might seem like it’s just about genetics, but it really isn’t.  The fact is, we are choosing to accept each other into our lives.  Yes, genetics plays a key part in it and is the initial reason we had to connect with each other, but loving and extending ourselves to each other still remains a choice.  As ironic as it may seem, we are actually adopting each other into our lives.

So, does this matter to you and I as it relates to eternity and our relationship with our Creator?  Yes, because you and I have no genetic or legal entitlement to be a part of God’s family.  We don’t have God’s Divine genes.  Our physical relationship is to Adam and his sin nature.  Our “legal” connection is to Adam as well because we stand guilty as charged for our sins.  No matter how good we think we are or try to be, we can’t change our family connection to Adam.  We need something more because the inheritance of Adam’s family is one of death and separation from our Creator.

The good news is that God has made His choice to adopt you when He sent His only begotten Son, Jesus, to die for our sins.  Because Jesus was begotten and not created like you and me, He was God’s only “begotten” Son.  All that belonged to God the Father belonged to Jesus.  But, because Jesus died as a sacrifice for our sins, He took our sins upon Himself by dying as a sacrifice so we could we could be entitled to receive His inheritance (see Hebrews 9).  So, Jesus’ inheritance can now be ours.  But, this only comes through adoption, and adoption means to choose.  He chose us when He died for us, but we have to choose Him.  We choose Jesus when we place our faith in Him and His death on the cross that paid for our sins.  Choosing Jesus brings glory to God and is part of His plan for a two-way adoption.  He wants to adopt you into His Kingdom and eternal family in heaven.  The question is:  have you adopted Him?